🔗 Share this article

This period marks a ten-year milestone since the word “disappearing” entered the common lexicon. At the time, the concept that someone could instantly end contact with a partner without any notice seemed like the height of indignity. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, finding a mate has only become more bewildering – an frequently pointless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media jargon.

Gen Z, a demographic who matured during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated assault on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex landscape than their millennial forerunners could ever fathom. And so their romantic lexicon has grown longer and more unhinged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a extensive guide to the phrases this generation is using to discuss romance, intimacy and the quest of both. To channel one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

---

A

Authenticity – For gen Z, dating’s ideal is showing up as your real, raw self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a test developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reply is inquisitive or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This means going for someone who supports you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people form a link while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do budget-friendly dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a crush or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to pairs who opt out of having children to focus on their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of playing it cool: utilizing communication, transparency and openness.

F

Signals

• Danger signals – Behavioral habits signaling a prospective partner is trouble. Examples include calling their exes crazy, bad tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks validate your decision to date a partner. For instance following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, mostly benign idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same things or people that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and usually everyday repulsions that immediately shut down any sense of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an incredibly romantic display.

J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers want fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {