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We've been close companions for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome several challenges, and I respect her for that. Yet, she's repeatedly blindsided in relationships. Her spouse ended their marriage, and it was an unexpected event. Many of her social circle drifted away then, as they were focused solely on her husband. She was stunned by her. She made more effort to be my friend, and must have grasped better the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

Throughout this period, several of her friends have disappeared and she isn't certain of the reason. The company she worked for became hostile, although she was an excellent employee, her exit happened unaware of the reason for the change.

Present Situation

Recently, we've both retired so we're spending each other more, however, I feel my position in the relationship feels one-sided. I open topics of conversation only for her to redirect conversation onto her own topics. Politically, she has strong opinions. My effort is to recommend double-checking information and alternate views.

She's been arranging a trip abroad I have traveled to on several occasions and lived in for a while. My intention was to provide personal experiences, however, my input met with resistance. She purely solely sought me to confirm her decisions. I recently come back from four weeks in that place she hopes to catch up, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to be a friend that walks away without a word, however, I feel she'll truly grasp the effect of how she acts on my confidence. At this point, my state is distancing myself. What should I do?

Possible Paths

One option is to end things abruptly, however, that approach is not often a smooth outcome that we desire. But confrontation with a view to resolution takes courage and willingness from both people.

Experts suggest using a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Step one involves describing how things go when you talk. This needs to be based on facts like exactly what occurs. The second is to express her how it affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no disagreement on this point. Your feelings belong to you, naturally. Finally involves requesting how you are both going to change the pattern in your relationship."

Keep in mind that she also has her own side, thus requiring you to stay open to hear that. A helpful technique involves stating to the other person:

"Now you talk while I will not say anything for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably successful for promoting understanding.

Key Takeaways

This person could ignore all you say, as some people hold onto a “survival narrative”: they rely on a version about themselves they're unable to let go of because their very survival depends upon it being the only thing they've known. This poses a challenge as there is no clear path here, just dead ends. However, she might initially present this way and then think about what you've said. And even if you don't achieve a fix, you'll have peace that you've been honest with her.